Danse De La Dame De Bohème

2012-02-02T12:38:00.002+08:00

On a certain path.

There is is lingering distaste recently.
As I do and live for now, I can't help but feel distant.

Distant from things I once believe was great, but in truth, it's not so at all.
I couldn't differentiate and thus the remorse afterwards.

I could have feel better.
Because I suspect I'm reverting to old ways in a step or two.
Because I'm have "rejection syndrome" from the present me.

I will go on!

2012-01-16T10:27:00.002+08:00

On this particular morning.

Just want to return to my personal space and do something.
Something I'll appreciate and enjoy.
Something I find purposeful and gives satisfaction.
Something I only have on rare occasions.

What?
I do not know...

2012-01-13T10:59:00.004+08:00

I'm not interested.

Being a (just a little, hm) sucker for wedding photos, I will search and patiently browse photos of stranger couples after stranger couples (you get the drift) just to satisfy craving.

I know it may sound really weird and 100% does not make sense since I'm single, without desire to look for anyone and insisting I'm most probably staying status quo this lifetime.

But it’s true.
I love wedding photos.

My latest muse - The bride wears Valentino and the groom wears Prada….a perfect wedding in Italy

My favorite: “carried a simple bouquet of baby's breath”, you know…as they all say, sweet and simple.

Photo source: The Boho wedding blog

2012-01-08T14:54:00.009+08:00

I created this to remember what I've experienced.
Instead, I sat and stare blankly at my screen wondering and only wondering.
I seem to have a pretty bad case of writer's block.
Either that or I'm overwhelmed.

And so, I selected B&W(s) to express my loss.

2011-12-24T10:01:00.004+08:00

(Click for larger image)

Photo credit: Jon Hrusa (not known - Dec 2011)
Maluti Mountains, South Africa
Link: http://jonhrusaphotos.com/portfolio/nature/#wpcom-carousel-412

Solitude is not as intimidating after everything I know and saw so far.
Its once-upon-time legendary (for me) and now, I'm glad to have it.
Description? Its incredible and amazingly wonderful.
You start to learn more about yourself, you start to think, consider possibilities and see through lies and truth .

What I want and need might be what you need and want.

No one is identical but we can share identical dreams.

I'm grateful, at peace and carefree(-er).

For Splito.

2011-11-25T10:08:00.004+08:00

Never be satisfied.

And I thought happiness was easy.
Nah, and now I've almost reach to the point of "for granted".
I have inner demonic issues which I think should be relatively harmless except demons have exceptional memory.
The kind of things they remind you can shock you to the core, and you'll pause and think to yourself: what the hell is inside my head?

Yes, yes, I still marvel at nature.
I look at the sky, I admire the seamless flights of birds, I chuckled to myself at arrogant cats, I feel comfortable looking at greens and I love the colours of the blooms...

But there is the tiniest doubt.
Is what I am now real?

In pursuit I will,
In time I might fail,
When I do,
I will pursue what I fear.

2011-10-30T13:31:00.002+08:00

眼泪

有时候不让眼泪流下，因为心里很清楚，这些眼泪不值得。
它们反而会让你跟加脆弱，跟悲。
学会了，就能解脱，就可以勇敢多一点。

2011-10-23T14:41:00.002+08:00

《幸福之小点》
所谓“幸福”对（现在的）我而言，就是一种生活习惯，　是一种身体感觉。
基本上，　会非常舒服因为很轻松。
在这时候，想要什么自然清楚，自信也会增加喔！
好像也可以很简单的把　“小事”　和　“重要事”　划清！
不再浪费宝贵人生在不重要的。

我终于体验到了！
做到了！
乐！：）
　

2011-10-08T19:53:00.004+08:00

"You've got to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes everyday.
Now that's a power you can cultivate.
You wanna come here to control your life so bad, work on the mind.
That's the only thing you should be trying to control.
Cause' if you can't master your thoughts, you're in trouble forever."

"I am trying."

"Yeah, hello, that's the damn problem. Stop trying. Surrender.
Go out to the garden and just still your mind...and watch what happens.
Why don't you just let it be?"

- Eat, Pray, Love

2011-10-08T18:26:00.005+08:00

If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting...
which can be anything from your house to bitten old resentments...
and set out on a truth-seeking journey...
either externally or internally.
And if you truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue,
and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher.
And if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself...
then the truth wil not be withheld from you.

2011-09-22T14:53:00.002+08:00

Today's sideline

Fretting is not a healthy activity neither does it permanently damages you.
Never thought the significance of my fretting would have ripple effects.
I assume that's what all others is doing.

But as the first sense of distaste dissipated, I mulled over it for a sec.
You know what? I think I get it. (Finally)

Alright, no more outrage(s).

2011-09-03T11:52:00.002+08:00

The often-too-early pre-happenstance excitement is my achilles heel.
Maybe I misinterpreted myself all the while.

I find myself fascinated with Surrealism by no coincidence because I really like it.
Déjà vu.

Photo source: http://chakara.deviantart.com/

2011-08-03T09:51:00.003+08:00

I have to be friendly, to my ego.
- Ego salvation plan?

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Of all the adversaries I will ever face, my ego is the supreme challenge. It tries to trick me into thinking its interests are exactly the same as my own. It periodically strives to bamboozle me into believing that I should be motivated by pride, competitiveness, selfishness, or judgmental evaluations of other people. When I'm not vigilant, it lulls me into adopting narrow perspectives and subjective theories that are rife with delusions about the nature of reality. Don't get me wrong: I still love my ego. Indeed, being on good terms with it is my only hope for keeping it from manipulating me. I bring this up, Scorpio, because it's prime time for you to come to a riper understanding of your own ego so you can work out a tougher, more no-nonsense agreement with it.

Horoscope by Rob Brezsny (week beginning 04-08-11)
Photo source: pansowa (devianart)

2011-07-04T14:34:00.002+08:00

Leaving on (not one but two) jetplane!

Goodness, time flies!
In exactly 2 hours time - I'm will be on board and bound to Taiwan via Kota Kinabalu!
I look forward to pictures, food, living for the moment and crazy good times with her.
Speaking of whom, I'm eternally grateful for.
Ah, life~

2011-06-22T21:55:00.002+08:00

So complicated.

I guess it's being thought as a small matter.
Still, I'm easily bothered.

With the relevant information you had of me, perhaps you in fact thought small of me.
Belittlement is not fun you know, brings nothing but misery and lost opportunities.
If you had a bad day, or the worst day recorded, I might forgive you.
Might.

I'm angered.
What a way to end my day.

2011-05-31T22:40:00.004+08:00

"I have no idea how two different worlds could exist together."

2011-05-22T14:50:00.002+08:00

Writer's block.

I'm in need of assistance.
Especially the cold, dark brown, absolutely cold & bittersweet dark chocolate ice-cream.
My goodness.

2011-05-17T09:33:00.001+08:00

Work on it.

Quincy,
quincy,
q.
jones.

2011-05-08T12:03:00.003+08:00

World's a very sophisticated watery ball.

Lend some support (or least be educated.)
- http://www.mmcta.org/portfolio.html

2011-05-07T11:13:00.002+08:00

In French, "W" is prounced similar as "double V".
And so, we will see.

2011-05-02T10:00:00.001+08:00

As we go on.

Why do some search for a missing objective?
Why do I do the same?
It could be the answers & more importantly, the majestic feeling of completeness.

My objective, I'm sure is the Ocean.
The blues fact; waters always join at the horizon with the sky, any perspective is negligible.
Life contained in those waters are amazing, just amazing.
And I don't know why incessant waves intrigue me when I'm most annoyed at repetition.

Even as I meekly ponder how I'm affected; what the hell is this complex psychological thing I felt?
I recall one of my favourite moments in life.
It's akin to have awaken from a deep rest, those sensitive eyes responding to first light & you can't help but smile.

We were hardly best friends with time, always trying to...but never hard enough.
Yet, against time, all of us need to know.
No one since birth has avoided knowing, it is just how it work.

There, my not-so-missing objective.
Minimally, I'm glad I know.

2011-05-01T21:11:00.004+08:00

想要什么，
到底我的人生目标是什么？
今天我觉悟了。

I found it.
Conviction is so easy just by looking at the picturesque scenery.
I don't care how long, how much, how hard it may be.
But at least now I know, I really want it.

BORA BORA.

Photo credit : ihiayes (devianart )

2011-04-24T11:05:00.003+08:00

The light-house.
The beacon of light.
The guide.
But only at night.
Only when clouds gather, only when the sea display rage.

At some time, some point of time, we have to wait.
To wait for the right moment.

我们都可以，只要愿意。
找自己，作自己，也需要点时间。。。

Photo credit : http://www.flickr.com/photos/auvet/

2011-04-16T10:37:00.004+08:00

Better days. You cannot ask a question that even you don't understand the question itself. So, never ask anyone to love you unless you love yourself. It's so damn easy to come up with this words. So, it's also damn easy to do it. I have to do it.

2011-04-09T10:51:00.002+08:00

Art, that everyone can appreciate.

I love it.

Via - Eivind Molvaer & Associates

2011-04-03T23:40:00.002+08:00

We'll find something.

I trust myself and only myself.
Too much?

I should start to think so.

2011-03-13T14:28:00.002+08:00

《双。恩》

我们要，
依然的，
不断的，
活得精彩。

不良费。

因为，没有任何人是一样的。
因为，生命从来就不是理所当然的。
因为，我们只能活“一次”。

如果就只能乐，或悲，那么“一次”。。。
你说呢？

2011-03-12T18:58:00.002+08:00

Draw your words -
another perspective altogether.

via (http://www.austinkleon.com/)

2011-02-24T22:52:00.002+08:00

As I linger on, dear.

2011-02-19T11:16:00.003+08:00

via Happenstance

A picture speaks of a thousand words.

There could be millions of words spoken in this room.

And oh, I love frames too.

2011-02-13T14:36:00.002+08:00

The journey to self
- a reminder, a plan & a wretched attitude.

I dreamt big.
Everyone esle did, isn't all like that?
Putting words in action, that's where many failed or fell.

My current status?
It's is like sitting down in a relaxed position, gazing out to this scenery.
Reaching out to the feeling of happiness, closing my palm to realise it's just a darned illusion.
An illusion as long as I do not do anything...
And I allowed my soul to be damaged by this mere disappointment.

All the grand shows should have an end.

Since I had options, I'll make a decision and I'll ensure the decision works through.
I had to do it.
Must.

2011-02-09T13:44:00.003+08:00

Valentine's lyricism.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21):
This Valentine season, you have considerable potential to bring more lyricism into your close relationships. To stimulate you in that noble effort, I'm borrowing from the poetry of Andre Breton. See if you can adopt this style of expressing yourself (or steal the actual words) as you reach out to a person you'd like to be closer to:

Your neck is pearled barley.
Your hair is a wood fire.
Your mouth is a bouquet of stars.
Your eyelashes are a child's first stroke of writing.
Your eyebrows are the edge of a swallow's nest.
Your shoulders are dolphins' heads under the ice.
Your fingers? The ace of hearts.
Your armpits? Beechnut and midsummer night.
Your arms are the sea foam and flood gate foam.
Your feet are bunches of keys."

Horoscope : Rob Brezsny's Astrology
Picture : Tai Chang Hsien

2011-02-07T20:10:00.002+08:00

Forgotten.

I think of many and only one.
I've tried and succeed and failed to end.
I know, and knew, & finally forget.

My frail memories.

2011-01-16T21:57:00.005+08:00

Phuket, my comfort.

2011-01-08T11:03:00.002+08:00

Love of words.

I absolutely love words.

But how do I describe this love?
No, I can't quite put it into words.

Okay, let's try.

I love it cause' it makes me think a little more philosophically.
It sometimes enlightens the mere mundane parts of life.
At rare moments, it comes together to form weak visual images.

And yeah.
I'll always have more to know.

2011-01-04T21:18:00.004+08:00

SPIRIT

Light captured in photos are amazing, never cease to amaze me.

Have been feeling slightly light-headed recently.
Feet hasn't got the sense of ground.
Life goes on.

2010-12-21T13:12:00.002+08:00

No, I insist.

Had a really great early xmas celebration last Saturday which was extended to wee hours of Sunday!

Since there was time (& was the right company) I told them my concerns.
Not what I expected.
But totally what I wouldn't have realise without them.

(What would I do without them?) - Digressing.

Now, time is the key.
The decision is mine and I have to fill in the blank personally.

It's a choice.
Scary how a choice can be.

Wish me luck!

2010-12-12T10:28:00.002+08:00

My post-gratitude.

I'm always on-off thinking/ reflecting my life.
Sometimes, nothing matter most than indulging in all the blessings given.
Everyone has certain things worth celebrating & cherishing.
(Unless you push dem' all away...)

A wish is a wish, no matter how small.
Thank you guys.

2010-12-04T11:35:00.005+08:00

Chew thoughtfully on chocolates.
Yes, and while doing that, browse & enjoy creations of the others.

http://www.thehouseofmilk.blogspot.com/

One more enjoyable weekend titbit!

2010-11-30T09:52:00.000+08:00

Seriously, I need to know what the hell I want.
For now, let's enjoy knowing nothing.

2010-11-13T12:56:00.002+08:00

There is this annoying feeling recently; I miss the sea so much.

2010-11-06T10:02:00.002+08:00

Enlightened.

I realize there's certain thing we simply cannot not d.i.y.
Simple essential things like feeding yourself, personal hygiene, etc,yes but there's more.
With individual's preferences, I prefer to have my daily 3-in-1 coffee to be stirred by moi and me only.
Somehow, something went missing when kind colleague did it for me.
(don't miss my point, I'm indeed grateful!)

I'm now on the lookout for more stuff that I simply have to d.i.y!

Have a great weekend.

2010-11-04T12:19:00.004+08:00

Too many pictures.

I fell in love with wedding photography.
Love the details, the smiles, the warmth, the love & just cause'.
There is so much magic out there and I really appreciate it.

Just one of my fav: Emily Johnston Anderson

2010-11-02T01:54:00.002+08:00

Some nights, some feelings never went away.

Goodness me, the music played like it's never going to stop.
My sight is failing me, though.

All the energy has travelled to my auditory senses.
Picking up the vibrations, signalling the well embraced all-too-familiar feeling.

It's Jazz,
I'm home.

2010-10-24T20:33:00.004+08:00

I love his talent, Max Wanger.

2010-10-21T23:00:00.009+08:00

Random energy.

Okay, more like trying to generate energy.
My brain is in sleep mode.
But, cannot!
Tml is genetics, I need my marks.

To motivate, I experimented with camera.
I have a boring house, so I present you the boring pictures.

My coffee mug.
Yes, it's part of a series.

The detox team.
Coffee - Inulin-enchanced
Tea - Slimspa

Most know I have an affinity for cats, so not surprisingly my house has cats-related stuff lying around...

1st attempt.

So much better.
Good night!

2010-10-21T19:31:00.003+08:00

What happens everyday.

Facing opposite each other, it's hard to look further away.
Often, we start by checking each other out in an unassuming way, each thinking: "Ha! you didn't catch me looking."

Afterwards, we continue to busy ourselves.
Sleep, read, iphoning, gaming, anything mobile-able.
Some I notice, has the tendency to drool while sleeping or rather, just napping.
Most will snap awake at the loud "Love your ride!" broadcasted across cabins.

My observations from regular dosage of this at least 30mins each time.

Travelling in Singapore.
What a joy.

2010-10-20T05:51:00.002+08:00

Good Morning!

With a cup of fav instant coffee by side, I just felt I could do everything in the world.
First up!

Complete my last minute mugging!
(darn me.)

2010-10-18T00:20:00.007+08:00

Interesting how life turns out.

I'm in need of a surprise.
Have been to indulgent with all my possessions.
Especially an old(bad) friend.

I need to surprise myself.

***

A particular song I had taken a liking to:

Nothin' On You - B O B and bruno mars

2010-10-13T22:39:00.002+08:00

心。得

有莫名奇妙的严重坏心情。
突然间，不见了！

看到快要夕阳的橙色天空，听着我customized 的playlist, 哗！
好心情来了！

好，有心情了。
该是认真读书了！

2010-10-13T10:28:00.002+08:00

Repeated.

People only like to be told once.
But have the message been conveyed?
God knows.

Sometimes, they mock at the efforts wasted in repetition.
But without the action, basically nothing can be learned and achieved.
We all need some form of repetition.

Except for mistakes.

2010-09-30T12:57:00.002+08:00

Misgivings.

A chance is what you get.
Consequences is what you created.
Never try to shift blames, only you know too well, it returns.

2010-09-26T21:29:00.002+08:00

Steam milk - the home version

2010-09-22T06:00:00.002+08:00

Maybe it's all okay.
Believe for it to come through.

Just enough to create a miracle.
<3

2010-09-18T14:48:00.003+08:00

Just a thought, a memory, a moment captured in time.

2010-09-16T12:57:00.002+08:00

Shamelessly shameless.

Oh no, it's nothing bad, so don't worry.

My affections for the finer things in life is so way deep, deep that you definitely won't be able to extract me from it.
Again, nothing bad about it.

Never mind brands.
I don't like material.

I like the intangible.

Like travel.
Like food. (the experience)
Like good company.
Like freedom.
Like music.
Like books. (correction: reading a good book)

And it goes on.

Recently?
Reading food blogs.
Madness by just looking at the photographs.
Now, I blame good cameras and internet for my cravings and increasing weight.

2010-09-11T10:04:00.002+08:00

我的自由，我的天空，我们的世界。

最近不想一个人，但也不是怕孤单。
只是觉得，可以分享是种快乐的方式。

我发现。。。

听听其他人的故事，学着道理，了解人生。
好开心，能有朋友和家人的陪伴。

出国走走，从不一样的角度体会一切。
每一次都是独一无二的小曲。

世界好大啊！- 真是幸运，能有学习的机会！

很感谢，
所有的人，事，物丰富了我的人生。

对，我决定了。
要好好学习每一天的意义。

2010-09-10T17:08:00.002+08:00

Time check: 5.09pm

I'm at home, sitting in front of my laptop, trying to find a missing objective.
It was tiring journey but yet the joy of acquiring, oh my, indescribable.
Everyday, I ask myself, "Why Biology?".
Today, I found my answer.

[I look up into the clear blue sky, smiled and said out loud: "The world's big enough for me."]

2010-09-06T23:43:00.002+08:00

Putien snacks.

My guilty pleasure.
Good night.

2010-09-05T12:26:00.003+08:00

Tom Ka Soup - Clear sour soup

Yums!
- as long as it's not cooked by scratch by me, it's good news.

2010-09-04T17:33:00.005+08:00

I can cook!

Fine, call me a liar.
No harm done anyway.

Had a super craving for tom yum and since I had the instant-super-easy-prepare kind...
I followed instructions and add in mushrooms (extra! as package already had mushrooms), many many slices of tomatoes and copycat-ed Spilto to squeeze a big lime before consumption.

Woo! Went to heaven and back to Earth.

Maybe it's the sourness. or the savoriness.
I just had to sneak bite a red bean mooncake.

My Saturday brunch.

*let me explain why photos of only soup dregs and spoon.
1. I think the spoon is pretty
2. I lied again as I was simply too eager to taste the 1st spoonful which is followed by the 2nd, the 3rd . . .

2010-09-03T23:03:00.002+08:00

Random: I hate hypocritical-ism!

and yet I'm a population.

I only practice it with discreet.
Yes, I know, excuses.
But in my opinion, better than those who uses it so nonchalantly.

2010-09-03T22:51:00.003+08:00

Random: "Circle".

Each has own.

I choose my boundaries be slightly higher, slightly wider and slightly more resistant.
I resist my whole life, so far.
Like antibiotics, I destroy the bad.
But together with the good.

I walk the unchallenged path, to in the end realize it's a trap after all.
Without skills and lacking in judgment, I locked doors and refused all.

Unless you have the talent for picking locks...or otherwise, I'm sorry.

2010-09-03T22:31:00.002+08:00

The random post of random post.

I'm starting a relationship with a thinggie and let's call it A.

A's everywhere, at every moment and strictly never takes a rest.
A's always there for me, providing a sense of security.
A intrigues me and brings curiosity along with fun.
A simply amazes me, every time.

Science.
Logically, it's a study.
Illogically, it's my new found romance.

I know I'm interested.
The interest weighs above average and continued for a considerable and measurable amount of time.
And so, after acknowledging the obvious (with thanks from Splito), I initiated.
I made the first move.

Now, as I flirts around each day with it, I fell deeper in love.
Now, there's no way out.
Definitely in love.

2010-09-01T19:28:00.002+08:00

Distraction

I only wanted to do something.
The something I wanted to do could be simple or complex.
Alright, perhaps not complex since I'm not truly capable.
But as it turns out out, I always struggle.
In the process of struggle if I've learn quickly and not repeat, it's fine.
But I need to successively repeat the mistakes before I've finally learned.
I'm distracted.
Not truly distracted, just not in focus.

"Look far, walk on straight line & maintain the balance!"

2010-08-28T13:08:00.003+08:00

Innocence,
has a short lifespan.
Being innocent isn't always fun, you'll miss valuable knowledge & experience.

But encountering innocence is always interesting.

2010-08-19T12:44:00.002+08:00

Too much / too little

If you have 2 choices in the world, assuming there is an actual definition of "having too much" & "not enough", which would you choose?

At first, I pored over the possibilities of "having too much" & realised with the implication of human greed, it's is technically not possible.

I also thought "not enough" as a very possible scenario.

And then, I remembered.
On this extreme scale, there's the median.

It's called gratefulness & contentedness.

Whether you had "too much" or "too little" for your liking, as long as you practise gratefulness.
All is solved.

I should carry this thought for awhile.

Digressing,
I'm due for a flight this evening.
The excitment have not really truly kicked in but as always, I'm "slower by half a beat".
I crave for great photos!

2010-08-17T13:33:00.003+08:00

A quick one.

I wish for good weather (especially snorkel day), fun and interesting things for my Phuket trip.
I want to grow up and learn to manage myself better.
"Manage" as in discipline!
I wish for peace & good health to my kind colleague & her family.
I hope for better everyday.
(:

(in process of trying to be optimistic)

2010-08-14T10:22:00.001+08:00

I had a minor tummyache.

Okay, not very glam.
But I hate to feel weak & experience "jelly legs syndrome" & thought I ought to whine about it.
Maybe I will feel better in a while.

Don't tell me to "go toilet" as it's not that.
It's the super ridiculous situation whereby there's only the pain (& unease) & nothing esle.

I wanna sleep it off.
But I can't...

*faints*

2010-08-09T23:34:00.002+08:00

okay, I was utterly bored with the post below & decided not to leave it just there.

The second post.

Had a so-so long weekend with half-day on Saturday.
I had planned revisions and noble thoughts of studious research for the upcoming (super soon) essay assignment.

But.
Yes, there is the "but".

As usual I'm overwhelmed with laziness and slacked my day(s) away.
All is not wasted though.

Saturday was half work day.
The other half?
I have hardly any memory of it, suspected was slacking in front of the TV.
Granted it was a 50% productive day.

On Sunday, I met up with Splito.
I bought my much needed snorkeling goggles/ breathing tube and slippers (with a more subtle colour).
After which, watch a passable movie, ate popcorn and a little later, Mac's ice-cream cone.
Considered good day passed.

Coming to Sunday.
I completed a third of the Biology worksheet given and was ridiculously pleased with myself.
I awarded myself with lappy time.

And here I am,
12.20pm and still blogging.

Definitely a zombie tomorrow.

2010-08-09T23:07:00.003+08:00

make suspicious ideas.
sniff out the situation before action.
animals demonstrates this action the best.

2010-08-07T11:11:00.002+08:00

What can it mean?

Blog-surfing is one thing I enjoy.
I'm kaypoh and curious and hold no opinions for the authors.
It's almost like reading autobiography, especially with those who provide intricate details of their lives.
I enjoy reading, simply.

Today, this article simply blew me off.
I enjoyed it, might not have agreed with everything, but still very inspiring to me.
Being the cynic for as long as I can remember, it somehow managed to convince me.
Words are applied so appropriately that the phrases are simply classic.

Click on the link below for the recent NTU convocation speech by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1998).

Original extracted from: http://www.jaime-teo.com/?paged=2

2010-07-27T12:22:00.002+08:00

Regret
- inspired by the conversation between mum & daughter

Since some time ago,
I always tell everyone,
"I never regret, I only want to learn from mistakes."

Some say, easier said then done.
But no.
It's a breeze for me.
I truly never regret.
(From some point onwards...in my vague memories should be 16++?)

Don't doubt me, I have my regrets moments.
So I do know what regret "feels" like.

Now, passing the "7 year itch", I kept to what I aimed for.

I really never regret & am not regreting.

2010-07-25T15:29:00.002+08:00

Turning Pages.

That as about it isn't it?
The time has arrived and decisions made.
All settled.

What's next?

2010-07-22T14:01:00.002+08:00

今天精神有点差。
不自觉地在犯小错。
说话不请不楚，空荡荡的心情。。。
早上，工作。
晚上，上课。
我的日子，我的时间，我的生命。
就这样，我开始了我的充实。

希望一切顺顺利利，大吉大利！
哈哈。。。好想睡喔！Zz Zz Z z

2010-07-20T09:20:00.002+08:00

I'm getting this real bad feeling.
The witness of the inevitable.

Help, pls make it all go away.
I still need so much courage in life.
Pls go away until I've learned.

Pls make me feel better now.
Right now.

2010-07-08T14:17:00.002+08:00

Emptiness begets desire.... (to play!)

Hollow areas vibrates more and thus the louder volume when you knock against it as compared to solid areas.

Guess what? I've been too noisy recently.
Time to be still and allow the good & beneficial flow in.

Prior to that, I shall be noisy.

I just had double caffeine today!
Pls let me sleep tonight, though...

2010-07-08T01:01:00.002+08:00

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): For the foreseeable future, it's fine with God
(and with Nature, too) if you put all your eggs in one basket -- as long as
the basket is well-woven and beautiful to behold. You've also got cosmic
permission to forget about all but one of the tempting targets in your
field of vision -- as long as the bull's-eye you choose is very worthy of
your sacred longing. To sum up, Scorpio, be single-mindedly focused
almost to the point of manic obsession -- as long as you're reasonably
sure that the object of your devotion is your personal version of the Holy
Grail.

If the above if true, pls let my obsession be my un-ventured bio-medical adventure.
(:

2010-07-06T12:22:00.002+08:00

Happy.
But not contented.

I feel happy and feel I ought to be out there enjoying myself.
Not here at my desk snaking/working/wasting it away.
I say it's a right feeling at the wrong time.
Time difference?
Why do I feel holiday-ish?
Bloody.
It's been a month post-paradise & I'm still Tioman-sick?

2010-07-03T22:33:00.004+08:00

就是那种feel.

好怀念当年的迷失, 迷糊.
现在的我,几乎有一点不对.
活太过的清楚了.

可能是太计较, 想太多, 放不下.
越大反而就越难想通呢.
一直在反省着...
我好想找回...

早上一争开眼, 深呼吸, 微微笑的莫名感觉平静.
现在的我...好久没了...只剩下...

睡不够的不满...哈哈...

2010-07-01T13:02:00.002+08:00

Another day.

Somtimes people wish for a good companion to be at their side, to cheer them on when they've done great and to encourage when they need it.
Yes, I already had one.
Amazingly, since I could have none with me being me.
Who am I to expect so much when I'm already much more fortunate than others?
I have to control my greed in life.
Expect the least of everything except myself & my life.
It's just another day for me.

2010-06-26T10:01:00.001+08:00

A thought.

I breathe the air shared by so many others.
Some of them I know, some of them I'll in time to come.
I describe time as the first wonder of the world.
Not only a unit of measurement but it gives & also takes so much.
Cherish it and you will find plenty to spend.
Enjoy it and you will reap happiness.
Race with it and you will never win.
There's always a time for something or some event in life.
When's it my turn to come, will I choose to ignore or accept?
Settle down with meagre belongings or soar the skies with meagre belongings?
My heart says "Only time will tell, in time to come."

2010-06-24T11:00:00.003+08:00

And I continued.

Habits die hard.
Bad habits never die!
Be warned.
Next time you see the vehicle with "Taxi" on top of it, avoid it like plague.
It's addictive and evil.

And as wary of it I'm of it.
I still continued...

Discipline pills.
Any available in the market?

2010-06-18T15:34:00.003+08:00

Whoa!

I have a random energy to do stuff and one of it is to post this entry.
Meaningless, ya.

But who cares, it's my space!

2010-06-14T21:45:00.002+08:00

I cannot comprehend.
I cannot understand.
Because, I simply don't get it.
Literally "get it" as a verb.
An action word.

Love.

Why?

I don't think I'm capable of reciprocating.

2010-06-10T22:39:00.002+08:00

The double elevator series.

Only recently I realized what enclosed spaces with strangers can do to me.

Episode one.

Pure coincidence, a 50-50 chance meeting.
We commonly speak only on phone calls and no other agenda except work purposes.
He was supposedly out for lunch and I had to get document from his office.
At the lobby, I just exited the office and he exit the gents.
Had to admit, I was mentally rolling eyes.
"Could have stayed in the car and wait for him to bring down!"
Anyway, greeted each other and entered the lift together.
We were at the fourth level.
Doors closed and my trembling starts.
Don't ask me why, I absolutely had no idea.
Not a serious claustrophobian nor do I have an innate fear of opposite sex.
No idea.
Someone joined us at third level and my trembling continued...
"Tink!"First level.
Being the polite one (and nearest to the buttons), he held the lift for me.
I mouthed a thank you and walk gingerly out (all the while controlling my tremors).
Graciously, I turned and bid a hasty farewell.

What was all that about, I'm still figuring out.

Episode two.

I had 2 big bags of of "tau huay" and "you tiao" around my arms and a large container of pineapples tarts in my hand and the document in my other hand.
Obviously I need help with lift buttons.
"Going up?" asked the uncle bystander. (He looked as he's pushing 50)
I nodded silently and smiled.
Inside the lift, I saw him push the 18th level and I asked for the 17th level.
The doors closed and I saw the polished reflection of myself and Uncle.
Not good, Uncle is peering at me.
He looked curiously at my load and asked "Wah, that look heavy!"
I shrugged and smiled again.
(I've spontaneously decided to be silent...)
5th level passing and he persisted.
"It's raining outside if I'm not wrong?"
I gave in, "No, it's only drizzling."
And continued, "The tau huay not very heavy lah, thanks for helping press the buttons."
And further add on, "It's for the whole company you see..."
His turn to nod and smile.
My level reached just then and I strutted out.

Awkward!

God, what's wrong with me???

2010-06-07T13:50:00.002+08:00

Palpitate.

The fragrant liquid enters my body.
Not scorning, just warm.

The consistency, right.
Just as I like, or rather, I got used to.
(3-in-1, what to expect...)

My tastebuds alive with pleasure and my mind awakens to it's chemicals.
(psychological or not, I don't care.)

But the effects it brings, unpredictable.
Sometimes I'll experience tremors and the unusual speed of heartbeat.

Still, I love my caffeine at work/study.
Love love.

2010-05-29T08:51:00.002+08:00

Sometimes & Occasionally.

As appeared: I'm not in control most of the time and allow myself to be lead by anyone or anything.

But in truth?

I'm really not in control most of the time and simply wander around my humble-sized universe.

I have this tendency to be ridiculously not "real-time".

It irritates the hell out of close ones and your truly.

I need to be back.

Gotta to figure it all out.

2010-05-10T18:45:00.003+08:00

The monday post.

I'm terribly "taiwan-sick" & "tioman-sick" this week.
Sucks.

And it only just started!!!

LAVENDER - SOOTHES MY TROUBLES AWAY!

2010-05-08T13:13:00.002+08:00

The stress after relax.

I don't like coming back to reality.
Yes, yes, the realist has times like this.
I'm so stuck in the mountain-high of work that I'm not finding any sense in what I'm doing.
I could have stayed here forever...
Where are the good ol' days of FINISHING work on time???

ku ku ba lu ku.

2010-05-05T16:41:00.001+08:00

Back!

I'm refreshed, revitalized and ready to go.
Watch out, yeah?

Woo!

(:

2010-04-30T14:14:00.003+08:00

Damn uncomfortable.

Not feeling right and yet it's feels it should be like that.

I give myself one last chance.

2010-04-27T12:50:00.003+08:00

Forever?

Sometimes you truly wish it could last forever, don't we all?
This exact moment, this exact feel and this exact euphoria.
You desire it so much that you kept the full-coloured, high pixel image ingrained deeply in your mind.
Once in a while, you will recall and smile.
Recall?

Hey! Didn't I just wish for it to last forever?

C'mon buddy, nothing last forever.
Reality check.

2010-04-24T00:32:00.002+08:00

失眠

就眼晴一直的眨，但精神又超好。
这么办？？？

明天还有好多节目哦，一阵天都满满的。。。

早上- 上班
下午- 吃好料！
晚上- 听演奏会

不可以！我要睡觉啦！

。
。
。
。

这么办？？？

2010-04-23T06:13:00.000+08:00

<not that into you>>
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, which in turn was inspired by a line of dialogue in Sex and the City.

Was browsing the ever great collection of streaming movies when I decided upon this.
Always wanted to catch it during its period of release but somehow, hmm...shrugs.

Could be abstractly divided into 3 areas.
(disclaimer: in my interpretation)

ONE. DATING (complications and more)

Started with scene at playground that a young six, seven years girl being intentionally both assaulted and insulted as "you smell & looked like dog poop" by a not so nice boy she actually kinda have a crush on.
Mum consoled by saying "Honey, when a guy boxes you, he is in fact, in love with you. . ."

And tada! Damage done.

Girls to women starts the lifelong belief that guys does the opposite when attracted to you.
And thus very prone to mis-read all the sorightintheface signals of rejection(well, mostly) and hopelessly clings to the romantic thoughts of a love game hide-and-seek.

REMARKS:
Well, basically I'm not well-versed in reading romantic signals.
Mostly I ignore them, turn a blind eye to all.
Since I never started, I'll never have a conclusion.

TWO.THE MARRIED

Typical, typical, typical tale of a married life missing love, trust and in this case, sex.
Pops the hot yoga instructor & inspiring musician into the husband's life and etc, etc...

REMARKS:
Nah, no comments.

THREE.WHERE DO WE FIT IN?

There is actually two sub-parts to this.

(i) Do you love me or not?
Summary: One is definite and yet another only gives grey answers.

(ii) Why get married when we are both comfortable as it is?
The scarce marriage ties two individuals together and gives official recognition to the couple.
After the vows, as follow are responsibilities and duties to be fulfilled like commitment, consistent love and care, blah.
Now, what happens when all the above could be fulfilled in a way or another, but without the certificate?

REMARKS:
"I love you , but I don't want to marry you" sound as insincere as it gets.
BUT, if there's true love (plus commitment), with or without marriage, what's the diff?
Such a disappointing ending.
They got married in the end.
Ha!

2010-04-20T16:58:00.002+08:00

DELICATE.

Was deviantart-ing "delicate".
I wanted to find photography that could capture "delicate".
Above was one of those I can agree.

As I tread on thin line, from pretence to habitual, where was my focus?
"Look far!"
I looked, went far and has never looked back since.
I told her straight in the face she has never put anything down before.
She was confused between courage and just the plain need to survive.
Well you see, courage allows you to see things.
But she was blind to all...

2010-04-18T23:13:00.003+08:00

Serious addiction.

I didn't know you could be addicted to Jazz.
Okay, I did know, just didn't know it could happen to me.
Closes ones always said I'm so jazz.
They overturned me when I said I'm pretty diverse in music.
Absolute no chance of acceptance I could appreciate other music too.
So bad to me :(
.
.
.
But so true!

Alrights, any jazz tune would be my cup of tea and I can't say about the rest...
I confess!

Luckily, Jazz itself has spurn quite a few different styles or sub-genres that's fab too!
Otherwise I could be stuck in a tiny circle.

Just to name a few: bossa, big band, swing, bebop, acid, nujazz...

That's why I would wish to own this book!

READING JAZZ: A Gathering of Autobiography, Reportage, and Criticism from 1919 to Now

2010-04-17T01:49:00.002+08:00

just a short one.

I was ecstatic and literally jumping joy when she said it.
I wish I were.
I'm not much of a emotive.
Bollocks.
Lotsa great things are happening and what happened to my element of surprise?
I can't seem to be surprised anymore?

2010-04-13T13:04:00.003+08:00

Dear bloggie,

You are such a great friend to me.

You stood by me all this time.

For good, for bad.

For happy, for sad.

You've got no responses to me.

But yet by simply looking at you, my frail memories of experiences, events and thoughts would be revived and refreshed.

Sometimes my mama doesn't understand and my human friends have other things on mind, I turn to you.

Or when I'm alone.

I threw many different things into you.

You accept them without opinions.

You don't care and I like it.

I love my bloggie.

We have a long way to go!

2010-04-07T12:44:00.002+08:00

Someone said this to him?

I walking wearily to dispose my rubbish (long day at work).
Through the warehouse, one of the PRC worker stop me and asked "How to pronounce this word?"
And he pointed to the word "Lubber" inside the decade old dictionary.
I glance once, scratched my head and said: "Eh, lu-ber?"
He looked once at me and tried to pronounce "luu-be?"
"No, it's lu-ber", emphazing the R sound.
He gave up in the end.

But my curiousity was provoked.
Dictionary.com says it means a big, clumsy, unskilled person?!
And I thought, why the hell he wants to learn this word for???
A simple "Stupid" would have been more effective?
Or did someone assault him with "Lubber"?
LOL, I would never know...

By the way, it's proper pronounciation is here.